I will be 100% candid: THIS. SUCKS.
I'm burned out, my body hurts, the thought of eating any more raw spinach makes me want to barf, oh- AND my weight's up. Guess what, Kerrianne? It's only going to get harder! (carb cycling began today- yikes).
(Enter mental game stage right)
What if when I dig deep, it's not enough?
Do I have what it takes to get my pro card?
Will eating that oreo determine how I place?
Are my competitors training as hard/harder than me? (THAT's a mindf*ck)
Am I too old?
Who am I even doing this for?
NOW is when the rubber meets the road. NOW is when the truth stands raw & the bullshit is stripped away.
Even in this valley: I STILL WANT THIS. More than ANYthing. 25 years of floating through jobs, school, LIFE with no passion or purpose knowing SOMETHING must be out there I was made to do. Before I can remember, this insane energy rattled my insides with no outlet. I found training and it was as if someone gave me a nozzle to a fire hose. I FOUND MY PASSION. I believe God has blessed this by opening countless doors to help me on this journey. This sport is far more complex psychologically, emotionally, spiritually than I EVER dreamed. Only with the strength of my family, friends, God, Monty will this be possible. For that I am SO thankful.
I am currently learning to STAY HUMBLE & find BALANCE. The mental pressure I put on myself/pride have been most detrimental to my my gains. God constantly reinforces: "YOU did not do this on your own!" Trying to micro-manage finite details of my diet/training bring only misery & stress (hello weight gain.)
I write this to encourage you. FIND YOUR PASSION! If you have a goal & you're willing to change, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT. Will it SUCK sometimes? ABSOLUTELY! Surround yourself with positive support. My dad always says: "Hunny, people are either sails or anchors. Cut loose the anchors."
Inspire & be inspired. Encourage others & accept encouragement. Pay it forward.
Even my worst days are not that bad. AS ALWAYS, thank you for you vigilant support! Happy training <3
YOU CAN DO IIITTT!! <3
ReplyDeleteYAYYYYYYYY You're doing a great job Girl!!!! We SOOOO need to get together soon (aka cook together...aka you need to teach me how to cook). I miss you!
ReplyDeleteYou got this girl!! Sooo proud of you! Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteoh trust me I am with you on the mental battle! And feel ya! See todays facebook status :)You should come to Urban for a change of scenary. I can get you in for free to 'try' a week pass or just text me.
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